loveisalottery

loveisalottery @ 2008-05-07T20:25:00

2008-05-08T01:31:08Z

I am undeniably happy. This is too good to write about in here.

Really.

Nobody believed in me, but I got my shit together. Guess I just had to do it on my own. Talk is cheap, especially when you, yourself, are in denial.

This feels great is all I'm trying to say.

loveisalottery @ 2008-02-20T00:42:00

2008-02-20T06:58:04Z

It blows my mind that somebody with no intentions, whatsoever (good or bad), ends up being an incredibly healing person/s. Does that make them a vessel of personal change AND acceptance? Certain types of behavior don't need validation. You can't view summer in terms of winter. You must constantly enable yourself to move in any direction, and your discretion, yours alone, will be the deciding factor as to whether you find it moral. You can have the perfect thing to say, do, believe in, and you'll never be able to phrase it correctly. I'm bored with giving up, giving in, and I'm getting out of that brisk routine. You have to look yourself in the eye and say "Yes, this is exactly what I'm doing, and that is exactly why I've done it already. That is exactly why I like it, or dislike it, hate it or love it. This is what I am doing about it, to better it, to worsen it. This is how I am coming to terms with it or changing it."

And that is that. And if you disagree, you disagree. And if you approve, you approve. Regret, you regret. Never, should you be so infallible as to forget. Forgetting is the most practical thing to do, but it could/can only be done with sunken eyes and sallow faces.

loveisalottery @ 2008-01-07T23:38:00

2008-01-08T05:39:59Z

gold sateen sheets
suitcase record player
art book
fancy cigarettes
baleen bag
marshmallow plaid
things to bury myself under.

loveisalottery @ 2007-12-18T12:43:00

2007-12-18T18:48:52Z

After three and a half years, I saw him.

Should I have decided to put myself through this all over again? Was it even something I could've decided against? Did those feelings ever truly disappear in the first place? How long is this going to drag on in my life? Is he the...reason? One? Answer? Problem?

loveisalottery @ 2007-12-12T12:21:00

2007-12-12T18:30:25Z

Backwards Heaven

loveisalottery @ 2007-09-06T10:26:00

2007-09-06T15:27:36Z

APPENDIX

HOW I BECAME

CHARMING

LIKEABLE AND

DELIGHTFUL

________________________________________________________________________

I sleep very late. I commit suicide at 65%. My life is very cheap, it's only 30% of life for me. My life has 30% of life. It lacks arms, strings and a few buttons. 5% is devoted to a state of semi-lucid stupor accompanied by anaemic crackling. This 5% is called DADA. So life is cheap. Death is a bit more expensive. But life is charming and death is equally charming.

A few days ago I was at a meeting of imbeciles. There were a lot of people there. Everyone was charming. Tristan Tzara, a small, absurd and insignificant individual was giving a lecture on the art of becoming charming. He was charming, at that. Everyone is charming. And witty. It's delightful, isn't it? Everyone is delightful, at that. 9 degrees below zero. It's charming, isn't it? No, it isn't charming. God isn't up to it. He isn't even in the directory. But even so he's charming.

Ambassadors, poets, counts, princes, musicians, journalists, actors, writers, diplomats, directors, dressmakers, socialists, princesses and baronesses are charming.

You're all of you charming, very subtle, witty and delightful. Tristan Tzara says to you: he's quite willing to do something else, but he prefers to remain an idiot, a practical joker and a hoaxer. Be sincere for a moment: what I've just said to you - is it charming or idiotic?

There are some people (journalists, lawyers, amateurs, philosophers) who even think that business, marriages, visits, wars, various conferences, limited companies, politics, accidents, dance halls, economic crises, fits of hysterics, are variations of dada.

Not being an imperialist, I don't share their opinion. I believe rather, that dada is only a divinity of the second order, which must quite simply be placed beside the other forms of the new mechanism of the religions of the interregnum.

Is simplicity simple, or dada?

I consider myself rather likeable.

Tristan Tzara

loveisalottery @ 2007-09-06T09:41:00

2007-09-06T14:54:53Z

The end of summer has brought me to an interesting point. Somehow, jobless as I may be, my life has been incessant fun. I feel like I've been living the life of Princess Vodka, or Queen Old Style or something. For once in my life boys have taken ME out and dropped money on me (it's usually the opposite), and I won't lie, it's pretty nice. That is sort of slowing down though, I'm thinking about settling into this relationship with Erik. We've known each other for a long time, and I enjoy him immensely. He's an artist:

Plus, he's just sort of goofy and silly like I am sometimes. He says things like "I could sleep like this forever" while we're laying in bed. It almost makes me uncomfortable. Am I incapable of pillow talk now? Am I really that hesitant? He's fun too. We went to see bands play at empty bottle last night, he's coming to gallery cabaret with me tonight (Which is also a big step because that's My Bar.), we're seeing the flaming lips for free on friday, and we're going to empty bottle again on saturday to see Silver Apples (Hell.Yes.). I like where things are going with him.

The other boys in my life are just pretty clutter.

uh

2007-08-01T20:47:24Z

help me do the job "rain dance"

"get a job get a job get a job get a job get a job"

fuck.

loveisalottery @ 2007-07-28T15:17:00

2007-07-28T20:18:35Z

So soon, seriously??

Click, click, click. Romping around in bed and stuff. Geesh. What a lovely way to spend an early summer morning.

loveisalottery @ 2007-07-21T00:48:00

2007-07-21T04:50:13Z

breaking
up
is
hideous
and
michigan
is
pleasantly
boring.

loveisalottery @ 2007-07-16T05:26:00

2007-07-16T10:28:13Z

you know it's bad when your friend asks if you think he's cheating on you.

I'm so unbelievably sad. He has no idea.

Who knows. Really, who knows? Who can I trust?

I think there are two people aside from my parents.

loveisalottery @ 2007-07-11T14:39:00

2007-07-11T19:41:32Z

Keywords:

no job
afternoon lovin'
beaches
popsicles
clean bedroom
friends in town
happy karlye

why

2007-06-27T17:26:50Z

do I get so lonely?

I don't like it when I'm the only one in my tiny little garden apartment.

I just want to hold someone I just want to hold someone I just want to hold someone I just want to hold someone I just want to hold someone.

loveisalottery @ 2007-06-20T13:11:00

2007-06-20T18:27:08Z

Life is as fast-paced as ever. Always something wonderful to do.

Bobby and I have been cooking together, which is really great. I'm not bad at it, and I used to do it all the time when I was vegan. My house is also wonderfully clean. It's nice to have a real place for once.

Last night was really fun, free strong drinks, friends DJing, boyfriend bar-backing, best friends in my company, cute outfit, free entry. I'd have to say I'm a fan of funky buddha. I'm surprised I heard so much trash being talked on it before I turned 21. The normal priced drinks aren't cheap per se, but they're definitely strong.

Tonight I'm going to the last bike-in movie for the summer. I'm so bummed out they can't do it anymore. After that, Josh, Candice and I (and hopefully a bunch of other people) are going to the beach. I can't wait to swim. Geez, why is summer in Chicago so fantastic??!

I want to start doing some volunteer work. I'm not completely satisfied with my life right now. I'm happy, just not completely fulfilled. I'm also looking for a new job. I deserve better pay and more responsibilities. I'm sick of having really easy jobs, I want something that is going to challenge me and my abilities. I want to learn and get something out of a job. I want medical/dental/vision insurance and to start building a 401K.

I wouldn't say that I've given up on art, necessarily, but I don't really have a means of making it anymore. I don't have the materials I used to have and like to work with, and I don't have the money to buy new ones. I'm left with drawing cartoons with sharpies, which is fun, but not what I'm aspiring to do or anything. Although.... two or three of my drawings are going to be in a zine coming out in a few months. So exciting!

loveisalottery @ 2007-06-08T12:27:00

2007-06-08T17:35:06Z

I've finally found a boy worth rouging my cheeks for, curling my hair for, tightening my dress for. Late spring gave him to me as an early summer anniversary present.

It was worth the wait.

loveisalottery @ 2007-06-04T12:47:00

2007-06-04T17:48:22Z

Taurus and Virgo:

Both earth signs share the ability to communicate and understand one another intuitively. Their conversations get better over time and so does the relationship. They will understand each other’s goals and hopes for the future. There is an unspoken bond here that once established, hardly ever gets broken. They will provide each other with what the other person instinctively needs and desires sexually. You can’t go wrong with this astrological combination, period. A strong attraction and loyalty will keep these two together. Relatives can sometimes be a problem for these two. Focus on healing yourselves and each other and you will have a mate for life.

loveisalottery @ 2007-06-01T16:03:00

2007-06-01T21:04:23Z

something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

hahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

loveisalottery @ 2007-04-29T13:35:00

2007-04-29T18:36:48Z

it's my goddammmm birthday

loveisalottery @ 2007-04-18T01:29:00

2007-04-18T06:30:43Z

The new blonde redhead is amazing, it's not like I expected anything less though.

So is my brand new keyboard.

and heineken.

and having a real bedroom.

loveisalottery @ 2007-04-16T12:25:00

2007-04-16T17:28:30Z

All moved into the new place.

It's the most gorgeous apartment I've seen in chicago. Our bathtub is totally my new best friend forever. I mean, seriously, you can't go wrong with a humongous bathroom (sans nasty dirty druggie boys). I will post pictures.

I'm still sort of drunk, and at work. That's all that housewarming parties are good for.

Birthday is coming up.

loveisalottery @ 2007-04-09T13:12:00

2007-04-09T18:12:36Z

I wish easter was thanksgiving.

I have a lot of people and situations to be very thankful for.

loveisalottery @ 2007-03-29T13:01:00

2007-03-29T18:02:38Z

that's my life right now

Monumental Musical Moments (inspiring spring sporadically)

2007-03-15T18:37:28Z

This initial sneak peek at spring always lulls me into a state of indie-pop goodness. It's ritualistic for me, I listen to these same albums this time of year, every year. Take notes, friends.

1) Belle and Sebastian - "Dear Catastrophe Waitress"

I first heard this album in the spring of 2004. It was actually the first Belle & Sebastian album I've ever heard, and it was totally "love at first sight". It's not my favorite of theirs, but there's nothing I'd rather listen to in March or April. This album seems perfect for sitting on your windowsill and watching cars and people and puppies go by. It has to be loud.

2) The Flaming Lips - "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots"

I don't think I really even need to say anything at all about this album. I'm sure you all know and love it. You know it's perfect to blast while driving down lakeshore drive with the windows rolled down. You just know.

3) Sondre Lerche - "Faces Down"

I like being domestic while this album plays. I'll probably still be playing this album while cleaning the house, windows open, shades drawn, as a 35 year old housewife. Oh goodness. If you haven't heard this for some reason, do yourself a favor. His voice is just so smooth. It's ideal.

4) Lou Reed - "Transformer"

Duh.

5) Minotaur Shock - "Maritime"

This one's for the crafty types, put it on while you "make stuff". This gorgeous album is all xylophones, sweet sweet horns, strings, and bleep bleep bleeps. Trust me.

That's enough for now. I think I'll probably build up a full spring mix over the next few days. This is my favorite time of the year to listen to music. I encourage you all to make similar posts.

loveisalottery @ 2007-02-11T09:46:00

2007-02-11T15:48:17Z

How can one continute to take when so much has already been given?

I don't understand the mentality of stealing.

loveisalottery @ 2007-01-19T18:58:00

2007-01-19T23:58:15Z

I am sad.